Let’s get a few things straight first. While most of these excuses might sound a tad insane, once you package it with a slightly out-of-breath nasally voice that borders on an emotional breakdown, a wide-eyed look with a puzzled frown (akin to reading a 400 page report on a gorilla’s bowel movements) and an unkempt look (superbly managed after a ride in the Mumbai local). Needless to say, your employer will grant you the leave (most likely for his own good).
“My grandmother died”In case there’s an important presentation looming up in the vicinity, you would do well to build up your cause. Think of it as your personal ad campaign; for good results you need high TRP. And what gets TRPs? Drama drama drama.
“My sister/brother is getting married”Mind you, you probably have a sibling or a cousin tying the knot in the near future, and indeed a holiday is in order. Except that’s not the kind of vacay-ing that we are talking about here. Nevertheless, it’s a workable excuse. Moving on to the juicy ones...
“I’m being audited by the IRS”
“I’m taking a study break to learn about the mating rituals of Armenian rhinos in Iceland.”Boss: Say waa?
Me: You see Armenian rhinos in Iceland have shown unique creative instincts that mimic modern man as we know him in Iceland, who I must say is quite different from the rest of mankind. The rhinos have known to present flowers for courtship and an ice bath to signal fornication. You have got to see first-hand the rhino...
Boss cuts in: Leave granted. No more explanations required.
“I have been called to testify in a murder case. So I’m being put under witness protection for two weeks”Boss: But you’ll be on the budget meeting on Skype right?
Me: Of course not. They might track me down on the satellite.
Boss: OK. Just submit your ideas from a payphone
Me: They might have tracking dogs to find my scent. So no.
Boss: At least have yourself a peaceful vacation (sniffs and sighs)
Me: You betcha
“I have been called by the army to do a ten day workshop on fighting Cyber droids”Who made you the expert? I’ve already said too much. It’s a covert op. If I tell you, they might come after you.
“My grandma has just woken up from a 5 year coma and now she has amnesia.”That grandma who died a peaceful death a while back actually turned out to be in a coma of sorts (medically arguable) and by some stroke of luck or may be the hand of god himself has blessed her into consciousness. But dammit! She now has amnesia.
“My mother is stranded in a remote island with no cell signal and I must rush to rescue her.”Boss: And how exactly did this (fictitious) mother manage to contact you?
Me: That’s elementary, my dear Watson
“My husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend (take your pick) will be sick today, tomorrow and the next week”May be you’ve had a sudden vision into the future of your loved one; may be he/she is showing tell-tale signs of falling sick, whatever your case may be, staying home for your better half always (can I repeat always) works. Once you get your tenses a tad bit in order, this one is sure to work like a charm.
“I’m preparing for the Zombie apocalypse”Some people might laugh at it, but when the nay-sayers are busy being shocked and terrified of an un-dead Hitler hungering for warm blood – I believe I shall be safe in a bomb shelter with food and entertainment to last three lifetimes.
But let’s be realistic! However true this simple fact may be, your boss is NOT going to buy into this one. No chance. Zilch-O. Move on.
While excuses are great to take an impromptu holiday, the point is that – you, me, we... all need holidays. While most organisations will vouch for the countless virtues of taking time off, unwinding, relaxing, blah blah.... there are few who will dish out a time-off as easy as the next job calendar. All I’m saying is that you don’t always need the lemon to have the lemonade. You could just as well have it served on a sun-drenched beach in Timbuktu.
PS: Use the above listed excuses at your own risk (of losing the job).